I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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