apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
