he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
