I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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