i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
