My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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