I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
