READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
