someone threw a dead crab at me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
