its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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