it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
