im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
