My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
