She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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