And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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