I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
