i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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