Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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