I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
