the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
