At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize