My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She even gives head with a lisp.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
