There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
