i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
