Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
