She's JV to your varsity
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
