i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
