woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
