it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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