You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
