I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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