I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize