the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
