The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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