ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
