Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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