all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
