shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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