Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
