1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
