I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
