Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
