he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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