miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
