he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
