She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
