I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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