When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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