you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
