I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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