I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
