3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
