The maid of honor just puked.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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