If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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