yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
