the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
