The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
