Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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