it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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