he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
