I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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