I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
