At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
