Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Randomize
