what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
