Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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