I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
