so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
