Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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