I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
