whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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