So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
