You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
